I miss you. It’s been a while since I have written anything and I can feel that something important is missing for me. A sense of home and ground is present when I am engaged in writing these blogs and I feel as if I am making a real connection with you. In truth, I am beginning to see that who I am truly connecting with, is me. By giving time to ponder and go inside my self, to deeply listen to what wants to emerge, I feel some of the deepest connection I have ever experienced with my self. I have always said that I am a Type-A personality. A doer. I don’t like to sit still. At least until lately. Now I am beginning to linger in time and indulge in the present moments that come, sometimes offering something exquisite.
Cindy lingered in time. Cindy had a deep and tender relationship with her self. She often was, what we used to call, ‘in her own little world.’ That world for her was beautiful. I could see on her face how she loved who she discovered inside herself. Her inner voice was one of kindness and tenderness and soft love. It was obvious, and it was beautiful.
My inner voices have been very harsh and critical, as I think many people’s are. That is all changing for me. Through writing these blogs I am learning to listen to what is inside me. I am discovering that the inner voice I hear is one of compassion and curiosity. It’s a quiet voice that speaks very softly, which is maybe why I haven’t been able to hear it very much. I’ve been too busy to pause and listen.
Now I am indulging in quiet times, and like Cindy, sometimes I can’t help but smile at the feelings and thoughts that arise. I hear kindness and joy slipping out. Even as I write this I am smiling because it seems so funny and yet, so true. I am beginning to like and even crave time to linger, time to indulge in my inner voice. It’s no longer something, or someone, I avoid. I am actually beginning to want to get to know that voice better and am inviting my self to more moments in my life. It’s like giving my self a wonderful present.
Imagine that. All these years I have run from my self through work, kids, and accomplishing things only to arrive at the doorstep of my own being inviting my self home.
Thank you for walking home with me. Hopefully these help you walk closer to your real home as well.