We have a tempur pedic mattress and pillows. When I make the bed I feel the warmth of my husband’s body in the covers and pillows and often linger in that warmth. It is a warmth that affirms his aliveness for me and gives me a true feeling of peace.
Years ago when my children were much younger a woman died in her sleep. Her child, who attended the Waldorf School with my children was sleeping in his parent’s bed that night. In the morning the young boy leaned over to his Mom and she was cold. She had died peacefully in her sleep.
It is a heartbreaking story. The boy’s father knew what had happened and got his son ready for school, like he did every other day, to preserve a tiny bit of time before his entire world would be changed forever. I never knew the people, only that it happened. The father and son moved away shortly after that. I have always hoped that they were warmed by others who could bring light and love to their world.
Ever since then I have loved the warmth of the mattress. Every time I make the bed I notice the heat that is still where his body was through the night. I feel Neil’s life force when I make the bed. It is a reminder for me of our life together and that he is always with me. I never take that for granted anymore and I seize opportunities to be present to moments of warmth. Like our fireplace in the winter. As much as possible I am by the fire. Many nights I fall asleep right next to the fire and go upstairs to bed when I wake up a few hours later. In the summer I rest in the sun as often as possible, soaking up the radiant warmth. All of this helps me feel more alive and vital.
I am indulging more and more these days in what is healing and life giving.
Like being a mother.
I am grateful for Neil who has given me the opportunity to know and understand what love is and how warm and sustaining real love can be. He helped me become a mother and a fuller woman. Because of him I bask in the warmth of love and life and linger in the receiving of beauty. Because of Neil I have learned to rely on what is sustaining and true. And because of Neil I get to linger in the love of my family which is real and true and warm.
Our bed and our lives are filled with warmth, and for that, I am deeply grateful.