I worked with a guest director at USC, Paul Giovanni, that started every project by distilling the essence of the play in three words or less. He wanted to know and communicate what was essential about the story before any work began on the play. Holding the essence of the play was the guiding light for everyone involved in the process of bringing the work to performance.
I admired him and gained a perspective of distilling works of theater into their essence, their simplest truth that formed the foundation for everything that was to come. His way of working was profound for me. He was completely open and available and created performances that were deeply moving and absolutely simple. I loved working with him and hearing his insights into creating art and I took his ideas into my work as a choreographer and also into my life.
That essence of truth is what I am most curious about. Our somatic beings and movement has been an inroad to that 40 year exploration which I plan on continuing for the rest of my life. That investigation is what inspires me to do the work I do and learn as much as I can learn about what it means to be a human being in this world at this time.
The process of writing this blog is helping me discover and uncover the truth I am searching for. I have never written before and never liked the process of writing and am surprised by how important this process has become for me. I write these to connect to people like you that have a similar desire to understand what the essence of life is for them. I deeply appreciate the comments people make when they read these. There aren’t many and I check often to see if someone commented because whenever anyone does I know they are with me on this path. I know when someone is moved enough to write back that a connection has been made and something real and important has happened. Several of the comments are from people I have never met. That feels very important to me. To know we can connect and be with each other in a common way of understanding and living the questions together gives meaning to my life.
Living the questions together.
Who are we and what is important.
I could view my history from a number of ways. I could look at the mistakes and feel sad for my brokenness and regret the opportunities I missed because of the choices I made. I could also look back and see that all the experiences I had enabled me to arrive at this point now where I am learning to deeply love and forgive myself, and in doing so get a little bit closer to how Cindy lived. For as many questions as I have about why and who I am, Cindy had none. She simply was who she was. She had no need to get anywhere she wasn’t or be anything different than who she was, and she had no regrets. She was Cindy Love and that was enough.
And the truth is, she was enough.
She was more than enough, and she never questioned that.
I hold this painful irony in my heart and know that the truth is I am so close to me, and yet I am so far away. Even with all my searching I still have so far to go….and yet I am right here. The road gets foggier and more covered as I go deeper into the questions of being human. It hurts and at the same time I know it is essential for me to keep going, to keep asking and living the questions.
I am gradually becoming the director of my life. I am learning to live my being as a work of art and an act of creativity. I’m choosing to believe that life is full of possibilities and wonder that requires collaboration. I need a network of many different souls to assist me in putting it all together to create something wonderful and more beautiful than I could ever do on my own. You could say I need you. I need the people in my life to be with me through this work of being human and of creating a life worth living. And that, I do not question.
What my three words are I am not sure. The only words that feel right for now are,
And I hope that is enough.