I’m cracking up. Some may say I’m losing it. It feels like I’m going crazy and kind of out of my mind in a really good way. I’m cracking open and splitting apart into a thousand pieces by a force so powerful inside of me I hardly recognize it as my own. Yet I know, it is me. Melody. The real me.
Every day as I take time to write these I am recognizing my self as someone I haven’t been in contact with for a very long time. Like a long-lost relative, when I see this part of me I look familiar and I know I am my blood, yet I hardly remember anything about this self. I’m curious and want to spend time getting to know me again and listen to how I am making sense of my life and who I am becoming. I want to give my self time to share my voice and wisdom and hear the sweet, rich Melody that is my song. I want to hear me. My voice. My self.
I think the voice is saying, ‘Let go Melody. Let go of everything that has held you back and fly. With all your might push through the openings, crack out of your old layers and soar. Never let anything hold you back again. It is time to soar.’
Oh how I want to listen to that voice.
This process by which I am now being led is so pure and more real than anything I have ever experienced. One could call it God or the Divine. Maybe it’s luck but I doubt it. It doesn’t feel as if this is by chance. This force is moving through me because I am ready and willing and wide open to what is to come. That’s the truth. I am ready. And I am scared.
Perhaps it’s no coincidence that my name is Melody and my last name is Schaper. Through this process I am beginning to shape my own life, my own song out of the life I alone have lived. Wayne and Serena Dyer wrote a book entitled ‘Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You.’ I understand the meaning of that phrase now more than ever. I am almost 60. I don’t want to die with my song still inside me, unsung. I want to sing loud and real in all my messiness and hear what is emerging from the depths of me crying out to be free. I want to hear the Melody that was born to be sung so long ago and let it out into the world for all to hear.
I will sing this music of possibility, truth and tenderness and trust that my voice will make me whole.