Love Lessons; Exquisite Vulnerability

This one is difficult to write.  I saw something on my way to an Alexander Technique Conference in Philadelphia Saturday morning that was terrifying and intensely beautiful at the same time.  I know I need to share this though I have not been able to talk about it at all since seeing it.

There wasn’t much traffic going into Philadelphia Saturday morning so I was going pretty fast.  Along the very side of the highway, at the exact side of the outer lane, not back and off to the side, was a large deer sitting upright and looking back to the cars going by.  I have never seen anything like that before.  He looked so serene I thought it might be a statue.  He was upright, with his legs tucked underneath him.  The image was stunning and deeply frightening at the same time.  He was poised and beautiful and very large, and intensely vulnerable.  He must have been hit by a car and was either completely stunned or his legs were injured.  I can’t think of any other explanation for that.

I gasped and found it hard to breathe and was so frightened for that beautiful creature.  He was so vulnerable sitting there with nowhere to go.  It’s hard for me to fathom how he got there and of course, what happened to him after I drove by.  I could not, and can not get the image of him out of my mind.  My mind has wanted, and continues to want to make up stories about him and what happened.

This is important in relation to Cindy Love.

Cindy was completely vulnerable. Anyone could hurt her or take advantage of her if they wanted to. She was defenseless and totally exposed. And she was so innocent, totally innocent, like a deer on the side of the road not knowing what potential harm could come to her but being there because she had no choice.  I won’t think about or dwell on what may have happened to Cindy Love in her time with others.  It is too painful.  I hope others always treated her with kindness and dignity.

That kind of vulnerable frightens me deeply and yet I know I am like that deer on the side of the highway as well as Cindy Love was like that deer.   We are and were both so vulnerable, in our own ways.  Is it possible that in truth we all are that vulnerable and just don’t know it?

I have some strong beliefs;

I believe it is our duty to protect others.

I believe it is our duty to care for those who can not care for themselves.

I believe it is our duty to be there to support those beings that have no words for themselves and who are so vulnerable of being run over in this world.

I believe it is our duty to love one another.

There, I said it.  It is our duty to love.  I believe that, or I want to believe that.  And yet I still go to a conference and fear what others think of me and my ability, my intelligence, my success.  I look at others and see what’s wrong or lacking and I know I am looking at myself and fearing that I am not enough.  Though I project onto them my own fears about myself somewhere in me I know it has nothing to do with them.  It is about my own vulnerability and fear of not being good enough, smart enough, strong enough, anything enough.

You know what the real, honest the truth, duty is here?  We need to take care of our self.  We need to love our self so much that we never hurt another.  We need to have the eyes to see that you and me the same and so if I hurt you, I hurt me.

If I protect you, I protect me.

If I love you, I love me.

I honestly don’t know what I’m trying to say.  I know the thought of that deer on the side of the road was terrifying and exquisitely beautiful at the same time.  It took my breath away.  I want that deer to mean something.  And I hope someone came along and helped that beautiful being find safety in whatever way was best for him.  What is the point if he only suffers?

Was it Cindy’s journey to teach others how to love?

Was it that deer’s journey to teach us about vulnerability?  To be open to the terrifying and exquisite vulnerability that is inherent in all living creatures so that we can hold with love and kindness that which is in front of us?  What else is there in this world but the duty and the privilege to care for and love one another?  What hope do we have as a planet if we don’t?

Love Lessons

Love Lessons

 

 


Comments

Love Lessons; Exquisite Vulnerability — 12 Comments

  1. My sweet sister in law Melody,
    This story was incredible. It touched my heart and soul!! ❤️
    I can picture that deer but most of all I feel your beautiful sister Cindys life lessons.
    I love you with all my heart and even though I did not meet Cindy and I love her too!
    You are a wonderful loving woman who has the biggest heart in the world and loved by all the people who are honored to know you.
    You have nothing to fear about!
    Your successful in all that you do and you are a very intelligent caring woman and a loving wife, mother and a wonderful daughter,a great friend to all that you meet and most of all a beautiful sister and sister in law and just a caring soul!
    Cindy is with you all the time and so proud of you and all your accomplishments!!
    She knows how much love you gave her and taught everyone how to love!!
    I will always love you even though we don’t speak or see each other much and know how much you love me as well as all the love and positive energy you give to all you meet!
    I am very proud of you for all that you give.
    It was Cindys story that taught us how to love and touched our hearts!
    With lots of love, Robin

  2. Yes I do feel its a duty as its expressed in the 2 commandments that Jesus offered to us. More that that, I feel compassion is a greater motivator transforming and extending our self interest to enlighted self interest–a self that includes all.

    As I read your love story, compassion flooded me. Both yours and mine. Compassion for the deer, for you, helpless as you witnessed the situation of the deer as well as your sister, Cindy Love,for me, for the world. It moves me into a deeper place of wholeness as it holds both the terror and the beauty. out of that moment a peace opens, a stillness. There is a razons edge here somewhere as well. Sitting on that edge requires me to almost lock on to that place of awareness. If I let go i’ll fall into a narrative and loose the stillness. I trust that stillness. Something wonderful will move out it, just as it did for you—your story of love.

    Thank you

    • Ahhhhh, Beautiful Maureen.The shared awareness of intense vulnerability, almost powerlessness and peace/stillness. I know you know that in your depths and if I go into the narrative of you, you lose the power of your presence.
      Beautiful Maureen and so inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.

  3. Melody, I really enjoyed reading this and smile when I think of what a caring, mindful and loving neighbor we have in you! Your thoughts remind me in part of Brene Brown’s message of strength in vulnerability…credit belongs to those who are in the ring, those who allow themselves to be seen and who will not allow their fear of failure/vulnerability to hold them back. With vulnerability comes great courage and it sounds like your sister embodied that!

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